by dumuz

It finally happened! Did you find that person that you complete entirely sadistic and last night you had a bdsm session with everything that you thought was right that his horny: humiliation, beating, slapping and spitting in the face, all the best ...

The day dawns and you do not believe ... the bruises are still there, deliciously painful, long pants, a blouse sleeve (so that the work has air conditioning) and all is well ...

Arrives at work, start doing what they have to do, everything will seem to fade into the routine, but between one activity and another, flashes of scenes from yesterday returned to mind, you sigh, going to the bathroom, pants down, pets butt marked welts, back to work ...

At lunch sees the unrest. As the adrenaline finally went down, your mind begins to see everything with 'others' eyes ... and ... and if it * really *? And if you really, deep inside me, I believe that I am garbage that my partner said ... Creed sadistic! That there is a declaration of love that is received? "Honey, you're crap, shit I'll get rid of the discharge in seconds, sticks his face in the pot here that I'll push the button ..."

Nothing like the dream, Shakespearean, and Hollywoodano Janetclariano: "Honey, I love you, we live together a galaxy of possibilities of love that life offers us, what soul mates, flying into infinity ..."

After a worried cigarette, you shake his head: "This is crazy ...". As everything is urgent, tries to forget the question. Phone calls, e-mails with a sadistic soul mate, more humiliation, contempt, sure that is not soul mate, but triplet, quadrigêmea, pangêmea because your partner seems to have a sadistic mill plantation slave quarters at the peak of the cycle of sugarcane -sugar, plunging you into nothingness and, strangely, worshiping.

- "Wait!" - You know all the people in your circle of friendship vanilla flee scorn and humiliation, especially in situations of emotional relationship. You run to the bookcase and finds that collection of self-help books, some you win, others who knows where you head was bought ... Notes with surprise that the collection begins with an old copy of the 1947 Napoleon Hill (hey ... that was Grandpa!) through Norman Vincent Peale, Joseph Murphy, Og Mandino, Louise Hay, Richard Carlson ... not to mention a few volumes of Carlos Castaneda (I should have tried LSD ...) ... and there are the pearls honking in your ear:

"You are what you think"
"Stop blaming yourself for not being good enough"
"Guilt is useless"
"Be yourself"
"The only person who can love you"
"The only thing you need in your life is yourself"
"The universe conspires in your favor"
"Act as if everything had already worked out"

And then you fall into the trap:

- What's wrong with * me *?

Because the self-help manuals are based on a great premise: if you opened one of them, unzinho only, it is because you think there is something wrong with * you * so * is seeking help *.

Be an individual economic and repeat the question:

- What's wrong?

The answer will greatly increase, will be almost impossible to answer because the list starts from the existence of cockroaches in an expanding universe, is born because jackfruit trees, follows the brains of those who vote for George Bush (I'd say Bush's brain if he had one ...) and ends in black holes hidden somewhere in my e-mail, where those messages disappear longer needed ...

See ... there is so much wrong with it nor is there space to see what's wrong with you ...

However, a new flash and you can see, again, on all fours with a dog collar worn around the neck, eating leftover food in a bowl of dog used ... and then a shiver of lust hits him on the basis of spine ... heavens ...

At that time, in response to the heavens open, a light down into your mind and you can finally see the truth:

- I ... I ... I'm a masochist!

(Pfff.. Slow to understand, right?) Of course, you knew that from a certain point in your life, childhood, adolescence or adulthood, maso fantasies took care of part of your mind, but they were a lot of people have fantasies ... the fantasy of having sex with Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, but seems to have tired of the game (ok, who can, can) ... that is, fantasy is one thing, reality is another ...

Except that you passed the test of reality ... the indignção to be humiliated is a protection of our ego before the madness of the other possible ... and you discover that no such protection or shut down ... now you float in space without boundary that makes you say things weird way like "I agree to be marked with iron" or "I do go to this party with a collar" or "yes, I will be faithful till death do us part" ... and it * is * true.

New crossroads opens ... you can just dive headfirst into masochism and want to try "everything" (from slap in the butt to the nose enema) or immediately start to wonder "why".

Even if you jump in, either by weather or bad experiences with some sadistic partner, will reach the moment of why, or even the why ... for some there will be a phase of "I prefer to enjoy and not think about it ...." but the more you dive, the more you notice one thing: masochism will cover all your horny ... even if it is a completely vanilla partner, you seek to extract at least a pat ... you will realize that begins to be selective and selected, the market sex is more restricted, because not everyone is sadistic or masochistic as you ...

Without you note, is going through the dark alleys of the ghetto BDSM: cnn chats and irc, list femdom_brasil, blogs for perverted there, praying (to which saint?) A bar bdsm to appear in your town, finding a rental in that the attendant does not arregale eyes when you take "Time Mutilation I, II and III" ...

A new stage happens at the supermarket ... before you went and spent hours choosing the yogurt ... strawberry or plum? normal or cholesterol-free? with honey or no honey? Now you stop in the session of pets and pet collars long leather and which one you think would look good ... then stops in the area of ​​hardware and see those ropes and chains compriiiiidas ... just pass by the utilities sector and imagine how it would allow the liquid to wax candle with a scent of roses in the body ... the clerk solicitously asks the size of your dog, your hand moves away from collars and you say no, I'm not, thank you ...

You get huge line at the cashier and stimulates daydreaming ... and there is a conservative woman in front is a Domme? And if she turned around and send you on your knees and lick her feet right there? In the middle of the supermarket? The box yells, "Next" and a glance you see a black corset, knees, calling you to beat her ... "Debit or Credit?" Daydreaming is gone ... you see that reality has changed a lot ...

You see it is out of control ... your mind does not stop ... your boss gives you an earful and you see your fantasy with a jump of 12 cm standing on both his hands, making him beg for his forgiveness ... the ultimate delusion, Bush sucks the big toe of her left foot and the Bin Laden of his right foot and you yell at them: "And fight no more, huh?"

- It is time to go to therapy ...

After going through about three therapists, you finally find one that does not scare or gets excited (much) when you say that a masochist ... finally, someone with whom you can talk about his estrangement with herself on his masochism. In a few sessions you discover that:

- It's time to change jobs, you do not like anything that does not know and because it supports his boss, since he does not know what to do and not what you do;

- It's time to change supermarket, that you'll meet evil, put half a dozen boxes for more than two hundred cars in the queue, slows you down, you bitter, you understand and does not value the profit that you give every month;

- It is time to review your relationship vanilla, you are not satisfy you and you're like a child who eats little and then clogs candy, looking for some love and attention in the chats of life ...

- It's time to ...

Yes, there is a problem list, a list of anomalies, but, wait, none of them refers to their masochism ... That's right, you discover that the overflow of his masochism is for all that area of ​​your life is not the cause of their problems, but a symptom ...

Masochism is not the end, is a means, a means of pleasure. Masochism can become an obsession, but in most cases this happens because the person no longer has other means or sources of pleasure: a work that conduct, relationships that encourage and relationships that meet ... then the only way out, is to seek pleasure where he is at hand ...

That's why they say that when masochism hinders personal, social and productive of a person, it is a disease. It is, but is not the cause, is the symptom, the symptom that the repertoire of sources of pleasure that person was very restricted and that masochism is a resource to keep what must no longer be there ... no way.

Then you start to give way in life, change your job or the boss, boot order in the relationship, shop online and, finally, can be beaten .... alone!

Text written for originarialmente Femdom Brazil

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